Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Friday, January 6, 2012

With Great Thanks

I have not visited here in the past several days as a result of the grief that has taken over since my return to work.  I did complete one full twelve hour shift but just was not able to do it again last night.  The sad part is that for as long as I can remember Labor and Delivery has just been a part of me and now I'm not even sure I want to do it anymore.  I am extremely overwhelmed and thankful for all of the support I have gotten on this journey the past three days.  It has been very comforting yet my heart still aches like you would not believe.  Even yesterday morning as I drove home from work, I received several messages from those that had prayed for me most of the night.  One specific message from a friend here in St. Louis that I have know since before I married my husband, Dawn.  She has been special to me for many years ans for many reasons.  She spoke of this verse:

"For I am the Lord, your God,who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13

And then she pointed me to Proverbs 31 Ministries where they posted this quote from Corrie Ten Boom

 "When God allows extraordinary trials for His people, He prepares extraordinary comforts for them."

The tears just rolled so hard I was not even sure I could make it home, but when I did, my sweet husband was there waiting with open arms.  Lord thank you so much for Him.  My mom and dad continue to call and the pain is just too bad to talk.  All I can manage is a text and even that is painful.  I can still see them there holding our girls and wanting to hold me yet I just couldn't let them because all I wanted to do was hold Annalise and Emmalyn.  Oh the pain my mother must feel.

I am thankful that God has used my blog to touch the lives of those with pain buried deep inside.  For those that just needed to talk about there experience, and for those that truly just wanted to see deep into my heart.  The numbers have been astounding and I pray that they continue to grow.  Everyone's story is just as important as mine and I am thankful to hear them. 

Dear Lord,

As I spend time with you this morning, you know that once again tonight I must face the unbearable.  You know that I don't want to do it!  But I know that you are strong enough for both of us.  That you too have felt my pain not only when you lost your Son, but when I lost my girls and every day as long as my pain continues.  Please comfort me and my family in a way that only you can.  Hold us in your arms along with Annalise and Emmalyn.  Shower your love down upon us like the fresh fallen snow in the beauty of winter.  I love you Lord. Amen

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