Tonight I will once again return to work but this time with an open heart. I have done much more praying over my job because it has for so long been such a part of who I am. I have had many suggestions about job change, career change, going part time, staying at home, relocating, etc. which have probed a very deep investigation of my heart and much fervent prayer. I have come to realize that although the circumstances are difficult, labor and delivery really is part of me, part of my soul and I can't imagine doing anything else. So over the last week I have prayed hard for God to help me feel ready to go back. And He has answered that prayer to the extent possible. I don't know that one could ever truly be ready to face the place they last were with their loved ones, especially their children, but somehow I believe it is going to be part of my healing process. How I don't know? Why? I don't know either. Of course I don't even know why this whole thing happened. But today after a long talk with an old friend, I am thankful for one very specific miracle that my God gave me that made it even possible for my precious girls to make their way into our lives and hearts! I am thankful for the great grace an.d mercy of my God that assures me even on my darkest days that my Annalise and Emmalyn are in the loving arms of God, enjoying the things that I could never have provided for them here on earth no matter how hard I tried. And the blessed assurance that one we will all be together again as family.
In closing if you are reading this today, please pray for me tonight as I will spend 12 hours in the place I have dreaded for 2 months now. The place that I just know in my heart God is going to show up with me and do a Mighty Healing in my life. The place where my girls made their entrance into this sinful world we live in but never had to experience it's pain or sadness. A place that for some reason today I am a slight nit thankful for in spite of my mourning.