Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Monday, December 26, 2011

December 26, 2011

Today it has been one month since we lost our precious girls.  (You will notice that I refer to them as precious girls often as that is just what they are to me.)  I went to bed last night somewhat teary as the day had been emotional and woke up this morning still in a teary state knowing what today represented.  I must also say that this morning I was a bit angry.  What did I do to deserve this?  I love the Lord, I love people, my family, my job.  I am a forgiving person that has been through more than what I believe is my share in life.  But then I picked up my book that a friend gave me and once again God pulled through.  As I read the reading for the day, I thought about if some of my love and forgiveness has been with strings attached.  And how do I view the love that God has for me as compared to others.  Do I really believe that God loves others unconditionally yet His love for me is based upon my performance or lack there of?  I'm not really sure.  I had never thought about that but I'm sure that God will reveal the answer to me as I ponder and pray about this.  Maybe I have been feeling that in some way or another I failed God.  However I know that in no way would that cause God to take my children from me.  I completed the reading and then read the related scriptures.  And that is when I felt them....

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms."  Deuteronomy 33:27

those faithful everlasting arms.  So as I write this, my heart is still greatly saddened today and anxious as I know that tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. P, but in the midst of that sadness is a small bit of comfort.  Just enough to feel it and no more, no less.

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