"Space for Grace"

It has been a few days since I have been here to write and share my heart but during that time I have been seeking earnestly and learning much.  God has provided several key points for me to ponder this week.  There is much to be learned, especially during times of trials.  The first things that I want to share is a reality that I have learned much about during my lifetime, especially since losing Annalise and Emmalyn.  Everything has a cost!  EVERYTHING!!  Life, love, happiness, mercy, grace, and lets not forget the one thing that cot more than all else, the death and resurrection of our Savior.  I have had many opportunities to put myself in Mary's place.  To think about the agonizing pain she felt as she lay at the foot of the cross, knowing that she was losing her son.  The pain she must have felt to watch as He took His last breaths. The suffering she endured over the next three days.  Oh how I know her pain.  How I in some ways have been in her sandals.  How I have worn her grief.  How thankful I am for her pain at the same time.  I know it sounds strange and don't get me wrong, I so wish she could have been spared that pain, because it is awful.  No pain is greater than the pain of losing a child.  But you she, it is because she had to endure such pain, that my girls went straight to Heaven.  Her loss, was our gain.  In the most precious way ever imaginable.  So for Mary's pain, I am thankful.

In church on Sunday, the sermon was about going forth and shine our light into the world.  Focusing on how to do that in the midst of such pain has been difficult for me.  It is so easy during times like this to turn inward and lose yourself in yourself.  To focus on only yourself and your loss.  At times I think that can be valuable and even necessary.  But as I was listening to the sermon being presented, the pastor said something that just jumped out at me.  We must learn how to endure the burning yet not be consumed in order to go forth and shine our light.  For any light to shine, it must first endure the burning.  That is what I have been praying for this week.  That somehow in the midst of this great loss, God will teach me how to endure without being consumed in order to make a difference somewhere in this world.  That is not an easy task.  You see he also pointed out that we live in a society today with the safest realities in all of the world yet the most anxious perception.  That anxiety drives our fear and fear separates us from God.  Lord please help me to endure.

Finally I want to share with you about my experience today with a group of women in a new Bible study that I have started on the book of James by Beth Moore.  It is a rather large group of women, of which six of us share a table together.  Today we had the opportunity to share a little about putting our feet to our faith.  Whether it be in someone you know that exemplifies it or a personal search to.  While sharing I was briefly shared my desire to find God's meaning in all of this and to give me the ability to take it forward and make a difference.  As I shared tears with women I don't even know, they reached out for my hands and asked could they pray for me, and that is exactly what they did.  I felt God's love all over me.  From women I don't even know.  A new spiritual family as Beth describes.  God continued to speak to me as we listened to Beth's message.  And this is what she says,

"every single problem, heartache, trial that we have is there to make a space for grace.  Will we let it continue to be hollow, or will we let Him fill it up?  The power of the resurrection means that nothing but the tomb is meant to be empty." 

So my prayer for the coming days is that God will help me to feel less empty.  That He will teach me to be still and know that He is God.  That He will fill my space with grace.

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.  The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."  Psalm 46:10-11