Today it has been one month since we lost our precious girls. (You will notice that I refer to them as precious girls often as that is just what they are to me.) I went to bed last night somewhat teary as the day had been emotional and woke up this morning still in a teary state knowing what today represented. I must also say that this morning I was a bit angry. What did I do to deserve this? I love the Lord, I love people, my family, my job. I am a forgiving person that has been through more than what I believe is my share in life. But then I picked up my book that a friend gave me and once again God pulled through. As I read the reading for the day, I thought about if some of my love and forgiveness has been with strings attached. And how do I view the love that God has for me as compared to others. Do I really believe that God loves others unconditionally yet His love for me is based upon my performance or lack there of? I'm not really sure. I had never thought about that but I'm sure that God will reveal the answer to me as I ponder and pray about this. Maybe I have been feeling that in some way or another I failed God. However I know that in no way would that cause God to take my children from me. I completed the reading and then read the related scriptures. And that is when I felt them....
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27
those faithful everlasting arms. So as I write this, my heart is still greatly saddened today and anxious as I know that tomorrow I have an appointment with Dr. P, but in the midst of that sadness is a small bit of comfort. Just enough to feel it and no more, no less.
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